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I have recently found podcasts that I really enjoy. I started listening to one called "Terrible, Thanks for Asking." It was started by a woman who lost her husband and her dad in a few weeks. The premise of the podcast is that when people ask how you are, you should be able to answer honestly. I know in normal every day interactions, this is not always possible, but the podcast is a great place to hear stories of people and the things they have struggled through and how they have come out on the other side. The podcast may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I love hearing of people who have overcome such great heartache and are "ok" and living their lives. The same person who turned me on to this podcast also recently told me of another one called "Maculate Conception." It follows a couple who are on their third round of IVF. As I listen to it, she speaks my heart and touches me and makes me feel as though I am truly not alone in this. I KNOW I am not, but to hear someone who feels the EXACT same as you validates you in some way. I have decided to listen to an episode and blog as something in each episode speaks to me. Most who know me, know I am an open book. I like to share my experiences for various reasons. Mainly, I want people to know they are not alone in their craziness, much how I feel when I listen to Maculate Conception. Here is a not-so-quick recap of events since the first blog post. I mean, I just posted it today, but I wrote it 2 years ago.

     Since that post, we went through 3 egg donors to get to one that could give us eggs. One became pregnant for herself, one did not pass the genetic screening (She is a carrier for Spinal Muscular Atrophy.), so we finally found a nursing student that graduate from Tech. She resembled me, as far as features go, and ended up giving us a total of 18 eggs. They were supposed to be retrieved when Harvey hit, so they took the eggs in Lubbock. My mom and I drove to Lubbock, picked them up and brought them back. They fertilized them with a frozen sample from my husband and after some not making it through thawing, etc, we ended up with 8 fertilizing. This was the HAPPIEST news we had gotten in a long time. We had waited so long for good news, it was a welcomed change. The plan was to wait a week and see which ones made it to the blastocyst stage so we could have them genetically tested. Fast forward 6 days to where my doctor calls to tell me that NONE of them made it. 2 were close. One made it to a blastocyst stage but fell apart the last day, and one was almost there and quit growing. WORST.HEARTACHE.EVER. 

     The doctor felt really bad for me and said they had 3 extra eggs that were frozen in the egg bank that they could test with one more sample that was frozen from my husband. If it worked, the 18 eggs may not have been good. If they didn't work, the swimmers from my husband may not have been good. These 3 eggs were from the original donor we wanted, that became pregnant for herself, so I was convinced this was meant to be. When they fertilized these 3, none of them grew past the initial fertilization. A let down, but not as dramatic as the first time. So, at this point, 21 eggs later, nothing.... (not to mention a buttoad of money wasted)