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Let me start this post by saying that, initially, this was about me carrying a baby. When I was younger, I wanted to have kids. The longer I was single, and the longer I taught, I was fine not having children. This was the worst thing I could have said to my mother, of course. She grew up only wanting to be a mom. Before long, I was mid 30's, living on my own for ten-ish years, and had resigned myself to the fact that it wouldn't happen, and I was genuinely ok with it. During several conversations with my Dad, he told me that when I met the right person I would want kids again. I finally got to the point that I didn't think about it much. As this process has gone on, it would be AWESOME to experience carrying a baby, all the terrible parts with it, but it has developed into more than that. I am not someone who believes ALL women want a baby at some point, and I completely understand being in a place that being a mother is not what someone would want to be. I have been there. I also know how feelings can change. As Wade and I started a life together, I was put into the momma role quickly. He had been a single dad for a couple of years when we got together, having custody of his little girl. He was a phenomenal father, and I very much wanted to have a baby with him. The way he loves reminded me so much of my dad, that I knew it would be perfect. Anyway, I began to do things moms do for children on a daily basis. When we got together, the little one was 4 or 5. At that time, I figured that if we had a baby it wouldn't be a big change because we already had a young one at home...so, why not? Now, doing "mom things," but not being the "real" mom has added to this situation. I want to have a baby to be called Momma. I want to watch him or her learn to walk, and talk and all the things that come with it. I even became fine with adoption, and not carrying a baby, as long as I could have a small one that all of this could be possible with....soooo...

At the end of the last post I said they tried to fertilize the 3 extra eggs with a frozen sample of my husbands....that was not true. At that point, I had written a nasty email to my husband's urologist, who did the vasectomy reversal, because he claimed all was well, and every time we would go to my doctor, they would tell me his samples were not good. The doctor performed a free procedure on my husband where he was going to extract sperm from the source. We, first, thought they were going to use a needle. As I watched in a procedure room, they actually did a testicular biopsy, and we took the fresh sample to my embryologist. The urologist was so excited about this new sample, and the embryologist said it was not as good as they hoped. The mobility, count and quality was not what my doctor was hoping for, and there was no reasonable explanation. My husband has two healthy daughters and no previous injury or issue, so there was no reason anything should have been wrong, but they went ahead and used them, because they were no worse than the frozen samples we had. In the next post, I will start with the fertilization of the 3 eggs and go forward from there.

Thank you for reading and caring about our story. I know I type like I talk....long winded...LOL